As you're reading this, I'm probably in my little Volkswagon driving five hours North to visit Jean. Remember Jean? She's my dear friend who, exactly one year ago, was hit by a car and killed while crossing the street in Brooklyn. I remember what I was wearing and doing and feeling the second I heard the news. I'll never forget that sleepless night--looking back, I know I was completely in shock and the realization would only slowly sink in. Still today, every single time I drive across the Golden Gate Bridge I think of Jean. I'm not really sure why except maybe because of how much she loved the city and how she wanted to move here someday, have a family and settle down.
It's raining, it's before 8:00 a.m., and I'm eating cookies for breakfast. But these aren't just any cookies: they're made without egg, so they're almost more like pumpkin drop biscuits. They're amazing with hot coffee and the latest episode of Dexter. I got back from Jean's memorial last night and have given myself this day to hunker down a little, do some laundry, nap, hang out with the dogs, read, watch movies...whatever. Since my folks moved to the Bay Area when I left for college, I don't go back to my hometown for holidays--or for much, really. So going back to Eureka is always odd. Sometimes I feel nostalgic walking around the quaint downtown, getting a bagel at Los Bagels, or going to the park. But this trip was, obviously, a different one filled with days that seemed to go on forever, family friends I haven't seen in fifteen years, and new friends from Boston that Jean loved dearly (and I can see why). So it was mentally exhausting for many reasons. And today I'm just laying low. I do have a few people coming over to potentially purchase my Vespa (cross your fingers!), but other than that, this could be a stay-in-your-pj's kind of day. And these are the perfect laying low cookies.
I thought that painting would be a good task today to keep my mind occupied--it turns out painting's quite the opposite. It is methodical in a lovely way, but it's also a large chunk of uninterrupted, alone time. Not really what I was looking for. But it was sunny and beautiful outside, the dogs were napping away, Gillian Welch was playing on my ipod speakers, I made a really foamy latte, and started priming...and that's how today played out. It was a nice break from sad phone calls, and talks and planning regarding Jean's service. I'm so looking forward to being surrounded by Jean's friends and family and all sitting around and finding comfort in one another. I'm looking forward to meeting her dear girlfriend Lauren, and giving her mom Ann a really, really long hug. I'm also terrified for the service to be over. Because-then what? Last night, I was digging through some old notes and things that Jean gave me over the past 15 years--and I came across Mary Oliver's book of poetry, New and Selected Poems (vol.1). In it, there's a poem called "The Summer Day."
As a relatively new blog, I struggle sometimes with its identity: only recipes? Restaurants, too? Will I bore people with cookbook reviews? And I really struggle with how to incorporate personal writing. I gravitate towards personal writing naturally, but sometimes as a food blog, it seems out of…